too much
Friday, March 30, 2007how do you know when everything has been too much?
when you start seeing dots in your line of vision and faint the moment you reach home.
and when you wake up, the first thing you realise is your mother about to pour a tub of water on you.
that is when you realise everything is too much.
silly me, i was merely fulfilling everyone's wishes of being strong. but then i couldn't. so how much more pathetic can i get?
~
goodnight. it's time i take a break from every single thing. and to this particular friend of mine, your choice. i have been giving and giving. i have been doing more, just to receive something so minute. and now, i back off. from every single thing. because it hurts, when you know.... whatever you've been doing for someone seems to be going to waste.
withlove,
Withlove,
10:15 PM
haiyah
Thursday, March 29, 200717 maki(s) today. increase to 2 as compared to ystd's 15.
i hate myself.
dah dah dah.
~
night study today was slightly better.
lesser people as compared to Tuesday's.
slightly less noisy too.
abah n mia sent me to Liy's. ran to school and then sat down. waited around for Azan near the Library there in the near-darkness. Azan-ed, we solat-ed in school.
=)
Liy, Me, Farhan, Iylia, Azmi, Aizat, Dan, Yani and and and Shaiful. Friz n Rith after us since they were too SELO.
Dan (4/3) was the Imam. voice power giler.
in the words of Liy, "terpegun sak biler aku dngr" and "kalau gini aku hari2 gi rumah dier ah solat ngn dier!!"
hahahahahhaha. i asked Allah basically for patience. and for someone to recover and not relapse.
hai.
seems like the person doesn't care. but whatever, i care.
then studied. i get very very very upset because i can't do simple maths. and tomorrow is my test. if lightning could strike me right now, i would be oh-so-grateful.
went home.
terserempak with Nash outside school gate and then we went home bersaing.
and he went,
"kalau aku tak hantar matair Saf balek, nanti Saf marah aku"
matair Saf in question is me. HAHAHA.
im home. my sister is blasting SWEET ESCAPE and i wont be surprised if the whole neighbourhood comes knocking.
end this post, start my maths revision.
an hour left till Chiqa's 15th.
an interminably disastrous eternity till i get back my english classmates. i'm starting to abhor English right now. not because of the teacher... hai. dah lah. im so upset.
i just want to be able to survive.
and i know who i want back in my life right now.
i don't need shits.
i just want YOU back.
Labels: back, sweet escape
Withlove,
11:03 PM
eruption
Wednesday, March 28, 2007after several days of acquiescing WITHOUT a single murmur of complain. i couldn't take it.
i sat there, worrying my head over my upcoming tests, my hectic schedule, my results, my parents and how i seem to be pathetic at every single thing i do, my mom went
"baby i'm worried lah!!" -mia
in this accusing tone of voice, like trying to imply i'm idling my time away and not giving a single fcuk abt my future.
i blew.
"ma! u tink i buat aper skg??" -me
"no lah b i takot jek. u dun seem to be doing anything" -mia
"ma! i'm trying! im doing my very best right now! u takot u takot! u ingat i tak takot?? i pun takot! i tahu ah my future in my hands! i tahu ah it all depends whether i pandai ker tak! i tahu! i pun takot! im trying! so please stop! jgn every 2 minutes u stress kan i lah! cukup lah slalu u bising kat i! jgn skg nak tambah lah!! i tahu ah i bodoh, tapi tk semestinya i bodoh sngt per!! ah sudahlah!!" - me
and then silence descended.
i was soo soo sooo furious.
know what i need right now?
to study. fcuk everything else ok. i have no fcuking mood. i will slog my butt off and i shant give a fcuk if i were to DIE midway. fcuk ah
Withlove,
9:14 PM
tuitions
Monday night tuition with Adik if she hasn't gone back to hostel yet.
Tuesdays and Thursdays night-study sessions in school until 9.30pm.
Wednesday Combined Science at BMC tuition until 9pm.
Saturday morning Mendaki until 12.15pm.
Sunday morning Maths BMC until 12.15pm also.
see how tired i will be?
4 days a week my studying will end at 9-9.30 NIGHT.
today English was a-ok. as in, the teacher was abit on the fussy side but overall alright lah.
i missed my seating partners in my previous class like alotalotalot. no more jokes, no more
"ye lah dah biase aku bual ngn angin" by Aizat, no more "eh geli lah!" - by Rith.
instead??
i have, "i think she trimmed her hair" and "yeah she looks more human now".
how....demoralizing.
Peer-tutoring today was a blast.
hahahaha. i had HHH Iylia for a tutor.
today other classes kids came in. then Iylia was walking outside when i asked him for help. he came in and we did our work. more like.... HE LAUGHED AT ME FOR NOT KNOWING SIMPLE MATHS and me TAHAN-ing all the way. Fasha got ignored by him AGAIN pasal she was rude. hahahahahahah.
nasib kau lah Sha. dier kan professional biler part ignore orang. *speaking frm experience nie, jgn main main*
so ended, we walked to Admiralty to check out BMC. cheap compared to the tuition centre i wanted to go to. so signed myself up, CALLED MIA TO INFORM HER and then sat at McD to rest because i was plain tired. walked home, teman-ed Zan fetch Dik Nor then balek.
interesting convo i had with Azmi. today was prolly the 5th time he talked to me for a long time. hahahahahahhaha.
"shab. kau tak cukup tido eh?" -azmi
"urh boleh tahan lah. naper?" - me
"takder. kau ader eyebag and black circles" -azmi
"yeah ku tahu. rabak eh?" - me
"haha a'ah. double eyebags seh kau" - azmi
"BEDEK AH!! SATU JEK LAH!!" -me
i turned to Nina and went,
"not, ader cermin?"
so looked and saw one jek. bih i told Azmi bih he pointed and when i looked properly, i realised i got double bags. gaaaaaaaaah. thanks eh for making me realise.
bih nanak malu right, i went
"kau pun ader" -me
"but im a guy. takper. grls takleh.." - azmi
"naper plak??" - me
"grls are supposed to be beautiful." - me
"you got it there. SUPPOSED TO, bukan a must" - me
then the realisation hit us both at the same time.
"MEANING KAU CAKAP KAU TAK LAWA LAH????' -azmi.
we burst out luffing.
=)
he was puji-ing his ability in Maths. i went,
"kau tak pandai ah" - me
"i am. aku tak buat kerje tapi dapat A2 in maths" - azmi
"nooooooooooo KAU TAK PANDAI AH!!" -me
"if i'm stupid, then u're plain brainless!!" azmi
KURANG AJAR KAN DIER?!
withlove,
Labels: tuitions
Withlove,
7:59 PM
new blogskin
Tuesday, March 27, 2007trying to think up an idea for a new blogskin.
hopefully dilbara will be able to help me this time.
kalau she helps, confirm jambu.
dier kan A'AN JAMBU.
(prasan)
so haven't been updating. ystd had school, english class then HipHop dance.
school was normal. English was chaotic. 2 teachers n 3 classes? hahahaha. 4/4, 5/2 and 5/1.
had HipHop. was moody giler babi and i nearly went bonkers on Rogue. kesian dier. Izan could figure out why from the way my lips curled in disgust and irritation.
haha.
soo then walked home. the long long long way. PASAL ADER ORANG TU KAAAAAAAN......... tkleh cont'd else she'll cry.
so sat around at H.C... kacau Harith and Rahmat pasal i mad at Harith. then then after awhile, the uniform grp nyer members dtg. Iylia, Aizat,Farhan,Friz,Shaiful... them lah. bih they played soccer and skated around. me n zan left at.......7+.
walked selo giler babi nyer selo.
reached jek,
"KAU PEGI MANER? KITER NAK KLUAR TAHU TAK?! APESAL BALEK LAMBAT???"
"ye salah baby."
then went into room,put bag, went to bathe, salin baju and headed to CWP. ate at Swenson's, went around CWP for vitamins for Aunt and me (imt oo undernourished kot?) bih dah. bought stuff for myself as well. talked to Zan while the fam was shopping.
headed home. i cried. hahah. nie case nangis tak prasan. my eyes were killing me and it became red and watery. i cried without realising siak. Fam was shocked.
so dah.
~
today woke up nak solat. skali overshot and woke up at 7.45 am. k ah woke up earlier and called B but i fell asleep. then raced to school. TAXI DRIVERS ARE DANGEROUS DRIVERS.
=(
reached assembly,malay was..rushing bcoz lack of time. then p.e. hahaha kiut. i was with Ain they all. then the TAF members yg kena kick out pasal lose weight joined in. bih all kecoh ah. hahaha. thn dah. the rest of the day uneventful lah.
i was tired, very by the time school got out. all i wanted was MY BED. so walked out of school. searched arnd for Zan and she was nowhere to be found. so we went out,skalik she called Sha. so waited for her ah. then dragged myself home. =)
zan supposed to come but i think she took pity on me.
i was practically leaning on her for support seh while walking home. balek, mandi jap then sleep. woke up to my phone ringing and while waiting for the msg to OPEN, i WENT BACK TO SLEEP. i was that tired.
then dahhh.
abah sent me off to Liy's... glared at Liy for screaming at her adikbradik thn Nina came. we did our prayers and ran to school with Sha. bih came to school jek...
"siak ramai" - me
"results of coming to school late for prayers" -sha
"not our fault per" - me
then studied. i plugged in my earpiece because some people were plain inconsiderate. they were practically SCREAMING. so at 9 went off. walked to Admiralty... then i took bus 912. inside was Rahmat and Harith. hahaha. so dah, we dropped off at Woodlands Interchange then took 911. saw alot of ex-wrss members at the interchange. went one round with Rahmat then i alighted dulu.
kluar bus jek i cried. no no. cried case, eyes smarting. zan called. bih talk talk. just letak-ed the phone now. hahahaha.
REMINDER: change my contacts, the pair i'm wearing now is 4 months over-due.
I SQUINTED SAK DURING NIGHTSTUDY AND ON THE WAY HOME.
i want to drop dead. ASLEEP. now.
p.s: tomorrow my english lessonw ill be pure horror and dread. i hate switching bands after having best seating partners. but its ok, my new class will have my very own FILZATUL AZREEN. =)
hopefully.
Withlove,
11:25 PM
Rules
Monday, March 26, 2007been tagged by Lina dearest.
Each person who gets tagged needs to write a blog post of their own 6 idiosyncrasies as well as clearly state this rule. After you state your 6 weirdness, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names/blog address at the bottom of your blog. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says "you’re tagged" in their tagboards and tell them to read your blog for information as to what it means.
1: i clench my fists tightly and leave crescent-shaped marks on my palms when i'm trying to control my anger. it bleeds sometimes. =)
2: i go very very very very hyper when i'm too restless, thus earning the remarks of "shab giler kaper sak???". at times, it's called FITS by Fasha. hmphh.
3: i can't stand myself sometimes and imagine "oooooooook. let's be blahblahblah today" then i'd burst into fits of giggles which noone will get. =(
4: i talk very very very fast when i'm either excited,agitated or just "get this over and done with laa". thus, earning the nickname SUBMACHINE GUN by Amshar (Sha's bro)
5: i clean my house from top to bottom and rearrange everything if i can't sleep. my mom's personal favourite if it's before the raya month. read: she doesn't have to lift a finger
6: if the weather is hot, i get very quiet. i have this belief : if i open my mouth, the cold wind will enter my body and make my body freeze from the inside.
please note : occasional spams will occur.
and that is enough embarassment for the day don't you think?
thanks eh Lina. gaaah.
dah lah i miss u, kener buat nie bender plak.
hahahahahahhaha.
chat soon aite?
1: Rokiah luvamis.blogspot
2: Sha manicjewels.blogdrive
3: Liy wildbabeyana.blogspot
4: Harith redvsblue-.blogspot
5: Mat dx12.blogspot
6: Radzee radzeecool.blogspot
~
my room is spacious ever since i closed my desk. it's very clean since i sweep and vaccuum the floor everyday and mop every other day. i tidy up my room every single time i'm bored (every 10 minutes).
i neeeed to change my bedsheet. it is very boring and i'm sick of it, though i just changed it 2 days ago.
i just cleaned out my fan, as in the dust all. and suddenly, my whole house's fan is cleared too. i was bored.
so you see? i clean when i'm bored.
i'm tired and i'm sleepy.
i'm still upset about my English, the fact that i have to change class (most prolly).
i'm still upset about not having my calls/msgs returned without any prompting.
i'm upset because some people derive pleasure from calling me a whore every other hour and making snide remarks such as "blajar-blajar tetap bodoh takder otak aper guner nye?"
i'm still upset because i don't sleep well nowadays.
and my family is saying that i'm very quiet nowadays.
so does heera.
so does rogue.
and yana n nina, come to think of it.
oh well.
certain things are important to me. and i will do whatever it takes to make sure it happens. thus, the constant silences and never-ending schemes.
it's monday now officially. hikmah starts today. let's hope my parents aren't home later. I WANT TO WATCH HIKMAH!
oh fuck. my mom's not working.
but i think i can watch. seeing that i don't watch the tv without prompting. =)
let's pray shall we?
keep your fingers crossed!
Withlove,
12:37 AM
a sad goodbye maybe?
Friday, March 23, 2007this title of my post is similar to an e-mail i sent. to someone very dear to me, no less.
haha.
it's sad because i'm prolly saying goodbye to the person.
sad tau shaaaaaab.
dah enough mentioning it, else aku cry like baby like the rain.
=)
ok exaggeration but you get my point, i sad.
mother tongue was chaotic. wasn't in the room when it happened but entered just as my malay teacher reached her boiling point and the atmosphere was very very tense.
so wrote a simple note.
malay had debate. the other class was much better as they were prepared. i became the VERY irritating pengerusi with the incessent ringing of the bell. trust me, i didn't like doing it but i didn't have a choice. the audience was way tooooo noisy and rowdy. i ring the bell nonstop and didn't stop until absolute silence. =(
i got a headache. headed to F&N consultation afta school. tcher had a talk with famie in which poor poor famie got into trouble. alahai, ckgu dah mcm batu api. and no i realised im not afraid of the tcher, seeing now that she can intimidate but it's our choice to be intimidated or not.
i love POA. really. i get excited every single time there's poa. the work is tedious yes, but it really is exciting giler and and and HNTAH LAH. i like. =)
i get hooked, on POA. i do ALL MY POA hmwk WITHOUT FAIL. i read up everyday about history and SS nowadays because i cannot fail my humans. i i i... I DO EVERYTHING to improve my marks. i'd do anything.
i can't wait for nightstudy to begin. i have sweet Ain to help me with my work and support from rogue. Rogue, Rogue.. thanks for supporting my decision about the nightstudy. i want to be with you guys but it's hard. i won't do well. i'm sorry.
tetap sayang tau!
Lena is upset with me for upsetting Az. but now it's resolved, Alhamdullilah.
some people are simple lovelies.
Dilbara still loves me it seems.
won't be updating much. after i'm sure my schoolwork is stable and improving, i will try to do it. but be warned, i bloghop everyday for 15 minutes. =)
and you know, you have to update something for me daily.
yours truly,
Withlove,
7:26 PM
taking back what i say
Tuesday, March 20, 2007i feel like taking back every single thing i said before.
i criticise for a reason, i insult for a reason, backlash is said with a reason and and and. i practically do everything with a reason.
what, you think it's fun? being evil and everything bad?
you think I LIKE being "the bitch"??
for the record, i don't. i might give a flippant attitude but inside i'm squirming with SHAME.shame that i have to stoop as low as that.
anyway, i might be dumb i might be stupid but i'm not DEAF. ok fine maybe at times i am.
that's why, i said..
"i TOT.......and i TOT u said ok. bt mayb i pekak"
it might be a honest mistake on my part and it might be a honest mistake on yours.
either or, i can't find it in me to care any longer.
every single time something like this happen, my spirit gets broken. bit by bit, but definitely.
it doesn't show because i hate for others to suffer as well but it doesn't seem to have an effect on the person concern. i guess maybe it's time i take some drastic measures.
and so. i give up. the number of times i thought of totally washing my hands off this can be counted on one hand because, never have i wanted to give up on something so pure. but at times i do feel that i have to, for the sake of my own sanity.
and this is one of those times. i AM going crazy. i have my own worries, pressure from around me. please, for goodness sake, do not add to it. it's not far till i would just crumble up inside and wither away into nothing-ness. enough tears have been shed, enough pain have been felt and the love i give is never enough.
but it doesn't cease. this relentless "punishment" inflicted on me doesn't cease. it is my fault for not finding the time but what little time i do have, i spent it with you. or i try to. our schedules have never been one to be synchronise, more like clashes happening every single time. that is why, i was very put off when our routine gets disrupted. because that is the ONLY time i can spare for you and myself.
i want to be selfish.
so so much.
maybe to those who doesn't know me, i already am selfish.
but to those who does know me, you would realise i would take the knife for my friends, family and my baby.
but oh well, it's a subjective thing isn't it.
and i think, it's time i take a break.
from everything, and take things as slowly as they come.
because i can't do more without co-operation and/or encouragement.
so let's just do as we see fit for each other.
let's disrupt whatever precious routine i keep close to me.
or let's keep the routines.
but like the father said to me,
"what is important to you doesn't matter to me because it's not important to me. i don't care. what matters to me is the one that you should bother about."
maybe there's wisdom in his words when he said that. but it's one i refuse to contemplate. cause it's hard enough knowing that i might be the only one who gives to the relationship. it hurts enough.
~
i got back my results.
i did as expected because i didn't bother to really study and what i did study, was a last minute thing. but guess what? marked improvement in my maths, chem, english and malay. sorely and terribly disappointed with my humanities. but can't be helped right now. brushing up is a must right now and my priority.
mia: "b why you always puji your kawan, the.... 888 girl that one?"
me: "oh.. 888 pulak you ni. namer dier Saheera lah mia..."
mia: "oh yah she. why ah?"
me: "pasal mia. she blardy smart. you know she practically got As for every single subject? you see you see, tak ker smart gitu?? like wth is in her otak seh..."
mia:"you talking more malay now eh. anyway, she quite smart eh. no wonder you always sing praises of her... go study with her lah!!"
me:" what?? you mean pick her brains?!!? I'VE ALREADY DONE THAT AND STILL DOING IT!!!"
mia: "hahahahahahaha you eh."
me:"anyway mia, i know my results."
mia:"oh. what you pass?"
me:"blahblahblahblah
mia:"maths?"
me:"fail lah."
mia:"grade?"
me:"blahblah"
mia:"oh improve kan? SEE. you study laaaaa then slowly imrpove right? must study ok? so all subject you brush up"
me: apesal you baik ah today?"
mia: you want me go take the chopping knife now?"
me:HAHAHAH diam ah u. hahahahahahahahaha"
Mia: tahu pun eh. anyway, he never help you in maths?
me: help lah, but abit only pasal long time never see him also. anyway, he also got his own stuff to do and i kan bad student, malas.
mia: tahu takpe right you.
and Sha, for the last time, my parents know about me and Hakim. his picture is in my bedroom DISPLAYED, and my mum has his number for goodness sake.
=)=)
ask me again, i slap you.
~
anyway,
during physics, Fasha asked me a question. i turned to her with a serious look on my face and went,
"which part of UNDERSTANDING do you think i did?"
CONGRATULATIONS TO BEROK AND MONYET!!!! DAH DAH JGN GADO LAGI NEXT TIME PASAL AKU. sayang monyet SAHAJA. =)
saheera, i think the ime has come for us to spend more time with each other you know?
HIATUS UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.
deeyan, tagged at ur blog. Chiqa, hahaha sayang lah chiqa. Harith, hahahahah dah dah one week...pandai2 lah eh...
withlove,
Withlove,
8:39 PM
sweetness
Monday, March 19, 2007i have sweet friends.<3
i have my sweetheart.<33
all i need now is a sweet family to go with.
enough depression.
i should really stop, else i'd be in the straits times being labelled as "EMO KIDS".
=)
just now english was fun,fun,fun. new rule this time for english words :MUST TYPE IN UR NAME SO THAT EVERYBODY HAS TAKEN A TURN.
gahness. i went up straight, DESPITE, nt having done so, ever.
and guess what?
my week's resolution.
JGN KACAU TU ORANG FOR A WEEK. i actually offered 1 day thing, bih orang tu orang tu kan tak baik, dier mintak one week. ok lah fineeeee~
shab tak rugi lah eh.
Hist was fun,fun, Fun lah sey.
MY hist tcher went "the only person to have the worksheet which i saw in her file is *insert MY name*"
hahahah fasha was pissed!
oooooh bestnyer aku happy kalau dier pissed.
=)
yeah im sadistic. =)
and guess what again?
my history file is COMPLETED, IN ORDER and EXCELLENT lah eh. aku happy aku happy. bt then i realise my Hist is getting worse. shit, i need to study.
sha just called me "shab shab kau tahu yang POA mills ngn paxton, answer dier betol?"
so i took 5 secs to understand her and went "oh tak. the current acc tu kan? yang 22400 is the total, bukan paxton. 22400 mesti minus mills baru dpt paxton. so the answer u tukar."
sha " oh paaaatut laaaa. ah k ah k"
going to the fridge, i realised "EH sha aku memorise siak"
sha "ah tu psl ah"
so i was sindir-ing her abt making mistakes and she went,
"haha if i need help, i just need to call *insert MY hm number*"
i went,
"bye sha"
she go,
"bye shab"
and we abruptly hung up. HAHAH.
and damn her, for going abt speech deficiencies in english after-school class.
babe, AKU TAHU AH AKU PELAT. KAU PUN KUTUK2 AKU PSL AKU PELAT, KAU DAH KENER KAN? KAU PUN DAH PELAT AND SUMTYMS URS IS WORSE THN MINE. ACCEPT THE FACT LAH EH.
hmph.
to those who doesn't know yet,
I CAN'T PRONOUNCE THE ALPHABET R. so scream it out to the world "y'all"
Labels: history, POA, R deficiency, sweets
Withlove,
10:40 PM
sweet sweeet sweeet
HAAPY BIRTHDAY SHARIFFA!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUUUUU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUUU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!
claim ur bdae kiss frm me kays?
=)=)
i have very sweet friends.
really.
never would i thought of them that way, but after today, yes they are very sweet.
=)
thank you korang for helping me and putting up with me today.
love you laaaa~
so today was one of the worst days in my short short short life.
=(
then i wanted to go home. really, i was oh-so-tired.
skali got english. then styed back. thn i rmbr i gt NEW CCA.
hahahahahahahahahah.
bestbestbest.
so the firstsession jek WE DANCE. =)
thnks to Nina benot and Izan eejharn for showin me the steps before-hand.
so i managed to catch up quite fast.
bih bih bih we were shaking our asses to the tune bih i tiber2 fedup. so i knew i reached the point in which i MUST stop. so mintak-ed permission go beli air. done, back up. =)
so dah end, balek-ed
home, i want to collapse. didn't really had a good night's sleep ystd and i woke up early giler babi.
usually at 6.30 baru nak start open eyes. tadi at 5.30 i was already finishing my bath.
=)
abah tot i went mad.
Chiqa's bdae coming soon. NAK BELIKAN U APER AH?!
withlove,
Withlove,
7:26 PM
IKAN IKAN IKAN
Sunday, March 18, 2007luper. smlm right, went out with my fam.
we headed to this fish fish place.
so i was in this white dress,blck pants and white heels.
so kan so kan.
i was running lah.
nak kejar my extra hyper sister.
then this lady came up to me *while i took pics*
and said
"miss, u quite steady ah? run here run there in heels? i want to walk in heels also cannot. then u can run. wah the floor slippery somemore."
i went
"urh haha yeah. practice mah.."
bih i cabot fast fast.
=)
b4 that b4 that.
i kluar room, the father saw and went *in a shocked voice*,
"b u LIDI SEH!! "
me "thanks eh bah"
=(
but its ok.
at least im nt called fat.
eh hello hello.
i got "curves" ok?
hah sha's gonna luff when she reads this.
pics up at multiplicity.
//taggy//
rogue : thanks. i love u. but i can't be that because nobody can accept me like that. so ok lah aku STRONG. nanti boleh beat yan punyer PPG. =)
iylia : WAHAHAHHAHAHAHA sorry ahhhhhh. k i go linky linky soon.
Withlove,
4:59 PM
WAH WAH WAH
ok was multiplying. hahaha crap.
so anway, went to Fifi's multiply to check out her pics.
skalik saw this caption that practically flew off the screen to me.
SIS'S ENGAGEMENT!!!!!!!!
her kakak tunang sia.
she pretty pretty pretty giler...
=)
it's in the fam. the abang also hawt hawt hawt giler. fifi pun jambu giler. hahahahaha. its in the fam. good genes.
so ANYWAY.
i find kaaaan. the tunang, the nikah all very very very exciting and woah! like dat.
like the actual thing lah. BUT KAN. the the the... the before and after, wah lau, stress boleh mati nyer case.
but really, exciting seh.
like Fifi's sis nyer engagement, Lina's sis nyer wedding. like woah woah.
ok i'm in love with weddings.
=)=)
like can be prettypretty and hawthawt for the day and like really, you'd feel special. i tak tahu laaah nie cumer case angan angan but still? hahahaha.
ok im so excited.
=)
but i know, for sure, i want my wedding to be SMALL. susahkan paents for ad, i kahwin nt my parents per. hahaha. so it shall be a SMALL wedding. my future husband nye psl ah at his place nak besar ker kecik, yg i tahu, i nak kecik.
=)=)
lets pray my parents would go for it.
hahahahahahaha ya ah i talk like going to happen very soon siak.
it will ah, if only i shot-gun case. but i noe its never gonna happen.
=)=)
and boohoohoo im supposed to go to library to finish up my hmwk BUT father has to step in and put a stop to it all. =(
but it's ok. wireless connection is UP. and i'm a happyhappy grl. for once.
withlove,
it's with a sinking heart
and a twist in the guts
that i have to start
by telling you why everything hurts.
it's my fault.
and i'm sorry.
i'm trying to make up for it,
but it's hard, without any encouragement frm u.
nt a single one.
all i get,however, is u, seemingly pushing me away.
what do i have to do?
for you to understand..
Labels: engagements, excitement, hawthawt, my small wedding, prettypretty, weddings
Withlove,
3:07 PM
Sweet Escape
i found a new meaning for the song "sweet escape" by Gwen Stefani
=)
hahahaha. ok dah i think i need to shower now.
OK DAH MANDI EH BUT I SWEAT SIA.
hahahahhahaha.
perspire i mean.
gah.
I HAVE MATHS AND F&N AND THE CURRENT ACCOUNT AND BALANCE SHEET LEFT TO DO.
can i kill myself?
nanti letak minyak gamat kat forehead, bih minum minyak kapak.
don't try this at home.
it's an experiment for mysef to see whether i die or not.
if i die, don't do.
if i don't die, pandai2 lah you al try.
=)
ok dah dun sue me.
Labels: Homework, minyak gamat, minyak kapak
Withlove,
1:16 PM
holidaysss
Saturday, March 17, 2007it's already a saturday.
two more days till school reopens.
have yet to do my maths. and f&n.
ohwhat joy.
so anyway, this morning woke up to the shrill sound of my hp, a call.
"shab shab niari ader mendaki!!" - nina
"siak. kau serious per?' - me
"tu psl ah aku ingat takder psl that tym ckgu ckp ader mrch hols" - nina
"tu psl. siak ah camner kau tahu ah?" -me
"ckgu kol umah aku ah..."- nina
"ah jap jap. kau kol mr ghaz ah." - me
"ah pass nom,bor" - nina
then i called up baby and whine and whine and whine abt me nt going mendaki. and him, being the best kan, he went "Ayo tak tahu ayo ayo ayo".
hmph.
so nina called then we came to the conclusion "tah eh. bby the tym kiter siap and nak gi, dah end pun class. haha so buat dek ah"
=)=)
siaped to yayi's then home now.
going out later with the fam. kak n dk wans to go to the lib. i wan to find laptop =)
and abah wans to get wireless for our laptops. =)
and mia?
fuck bapak marah.
Withlove,
1:37 PM
oh where oh where?
Friday, March 16, 2007everywhere i turn, in every single direction, i'm being bombarded with questions.
the same questions, all over again.
"where is the strong shab i noe?"
"where is the strong shab i like?"
"where is the strong shab??"
let me answer this once and for all.
shab has never been strong. shab has never been great. shab has never been what everybody thinks she is. shab is shab. and it's high time you all accepted the fact. i can never be more thn what i truly am. i can never be less either. i have my ups and downs and so does everyone else. but everyone seems to be having a problem with the real shab. everyone wants something from me, something different and if i can't deliver, I FEEL THE GUILT. i shoulder the burden. i shoulder the paina nd disappointment etched on each of ur faces. it is me. and thanks ok? for making me feel like im the worst person alive. ........and thus, i shall create a facade. a facade in which i shall be strong, not faltering at any/every obstacle i face. a facade in which nt many, if none at all, can ever pierce thru.
that is how everybody wants me to be. and that is what i shall be.
have a problem? deal with it.
i have dealt with it my way.
~
homework madness part 2.
woke up, calling calling, then siaped to go yayi's. skali abah ccame home so i selamat lah. he sent me off to the library. nina yana n mat were at lib already. i sat then baby came. then he n mat went off for solat. mat came back. aliff came then Ezriel came. then macam happy family ah gituk. bih Qistina n Ehsan came also. then mat packing packing then Harith came to FETCH rahmat *jengjengjeng* then iylia came. hahahahahahahah.
ramai correct?
and and and! I MET AFHAM. hahahaha.
so after a while.....
it was Yana Aliff, Nina Ezriel, Qistina Ehsan, iylia and me. so we jalan2 around cwp awhile before masing masing balek.
and thisssss is home.
i mean, i'm home.
and for once, i'm glad. to get out of this chaotic world.
ooooops! no more sad sad.
be strong babe, be strongg~
withlove,
Withlove,
6:46 PM
daunting journey
Thursday, March 15, 2007feeling it now.
and i realised. Az is the ONLY person who dares to voice out to me.
the fact that i've changed.
so so much. i've become the "no-nonsense" person and no more "gila 24/7" like i was before.
and what he told me, made me feel oh-so-terrible.
and i know, i've changed towards Baby too. maaf yang..
maybe i shall just face up to the truth.
maybe i'm depressed.
maybe i'm weak.
maybe i'm not as strong as i like to think.
maybe i'm not as independent.
maybe i'm just a pathetic excuse for a human.
maybes and maybes.
what i do know is,
i'm sick. according to Iylia "you've lost it."
it doesn't matter how much i consume, i do not gain. i can feel myself diminishing. maybe i'm simply trying to feel up a void which can't be filled with food. but does it matter? no.
it doesn't matter the amount of tears i shed, nobody notices. and i can't voice it out any longer because someone told me "you used to be strong. i admired that in you last time". now i can no longer appear weak. and the feeling suffocates me. oh-so-much. but what am i to do? nothing.
it does't matter the amount of times i care, nobody does! in this era, all everybody does is to get hurt and hurt in turn. maybe i'm being sensitive. but does it change a thing?? NO.
and for the record, yes i shall admit now. i am sick. physically sick.
i know i crawl,walk,run,jump,sing and dance. but the amount of effort i have to put in? it saps my energy and leaves me feeling so drained. that's why i snap and growl. because i can't do more.i can't do what i want to for fear of passing-out totally. and it sucks.
i want to be able to dance for hours, feeling like i have nothing to fear. i want to scream out loud, feeling that my vocal cords would snap any moment, not feeling that i gotta stop the moment i start for fear of getting headaches. i want to be able to be me. i want to be able to express the restless energy in me but i can't. because the moment i do, i pass out.
i can do no more.
but to give support to those who can.
and it's withlove,
that i utter these words.
through this dauting journey, it's never too late to get back on your feet.
Withlove,
10:00 PM
homework madness
woke up early at 9 to wakey B. he working.
hahahaha. but i think i fell back to sleep.
=)=)
nina woke me up next. so mandi-ed allllll.
skalik got "sudden urge" to talk on phoen.
ok talk talk talk, mood went down during the call because of something ah.
bih i quickly hung up, pack my stuff and ran out.
reached, teman-ed ninot buy stuff then sat down.
took out maths wrksht for yana.
took out 2 pau goreng for myself.
took out sweater for nina.
took our a packet of DAIM sweets for everyone.
by that tym, yana went "ape lagi kau nak kluar kan dari bag kau tu shaaaaaaab..."
did our work, Rahmat came.. he talked on fone and then Harith came. and as everybody knows, Rahmat and Harith CANNOT meet. kerje tak jalan. =)
then Ifah called Nina.
mood was a-ok by then.
Nina and Yana went off to meet Nina's mom and i stayed behind coz i noe the guys were going to skate soon so i can takkaire of the things and the grls said its only for awhile. so the guys crapped over my POA-stressed head. then they took their leave. so i called up nina and yana to no avail because by then, mmng dah lamer giler they were gone, though promises were "kjap jek jumpe pastu dtg balek tros"
so as expected, waited and waited. then i got hungry and planned to wait for them then ajak-ed them go makan. so they came back, satu-satu muker tak bersalah! hahahahah. guess what.
while i was waiting like hell, stomach's grumbling, they were eating siak at burger king.
=(=(
sadded siak aku.
so my mood went down all the way again. trudged off to banquet, struggling to keep my mood in check. ate at banquet alone with the grls watching. i force them eat w me. hahahah.
bih walked around.
Rahmat called up and we headed to Hard Court. Iylia also called up and then we grls headed to H.C.... saw Friz and others at tekong while ontheway and then dah sampai. the grls went off home within minutes while i waited for Rahmat psl he said he going off skali. then then then iylia called ckp he coming down. he was in the MRT going past our heads. hahahaha.
so we lek lek lek and waited for him to come down. he came, bearing BURGER KING. hahahahah makan dgn laparnya. hahaha. then gerimis mengundang. so we headed off with Harith and Iylia walking w us since they taking 911. Friz ader jgak by then. went kdai dpan Rahmat's hse then we separated our own way. then dah.
i told izan that it was nonsense to feel that way abt the partner-partner thing between us 9 grls.. because it truly was. now then i realise the true impact of what she felt when they went off,leaving me. because it really hurts, when you start imagining that they don't seem to remember you were there, waiting for their arrival. and so, i shall practice what i preach. i shan't give a damn anymore if two were to go and leave me. i shan't care and stop feeling like the "third-party" in the circle. like really.
ok dah zan, you can say "now you know how i feel. i told you so.
its obscene the way my eldest sister laughs. downright embarassing. none of my family members want to be close to her once she starts luffing. really.
ADK KASI SALAH INFORMATION ABT TRIGONOMETRY THEN RAHMAT HAD TO CALLED HIS MATHS TCHER. AHAHHAHAHAHA.
andthisisoneofthosetimesicantsay"withlove".
Labels: hard court, Homework, library, third-party
Withlove,
8:15 PM
laughter's the best medicine
Wednesday, March 14, 2007i'm sick of feeling like shit.
so now i shall luff myself to oblivion.
get ready.
~
walking to school with Nina and Sha. just as we passed the busstop, i looked down to take off my handphone earphones.
look down........saw..... FUGLY ULAT. gah gah gah gah gah. i freaked out.
"kiwek! kiwek! kiwek! kiwek!!!!" *frantically shaking my shirt to detach the worm.
"eh shab apesal??" - sha
"kiwek kiwek kiwek!!!" *still struggling to detach the worm* - me
"eh shab shab pakai tu bender" - sha
"kiwek kiwek kiwek!!" *finally manging to detach the fugly worm* - me
then i belatedly notice ader the... string ker aper attaching the worm to my shirt still. so i stood there and shook around while screaming "KIWEK KIWEK KIWEK" to dislodge it. hahahahaha.
Sha n Nina fell down, luffing at me,silly. sha went "kalau orang lain,we would have went off but u just stood there screaming kiwek at the bende! tu bender maner paham shaaaaaaab!!"
i was already tearing. case nak nangis takde air mata can come out because still too hyped-up.
~
was going up the stairs. the blind bat was still there from previous day.
"tu bat kan? dari smlm seh" - sha
"ye sha tu bat. that is a bat" - rogue
so we were going up the stairs slowly and like takot2. few chi grls were bhind us and went like,
"godd its only a bat!!"
skali the bat move.
and the same grl ran up almost screeching.
i could have died, cackling the way i did.
~
during POA class.
"helloooo" - POA tcher to the class
"yes cher yes cher? " the class
"hello moto" - sha
everybody luffed. POA tcher came to her pretending to choke her. kekek ah seeing her expression.
"i just bought the phone!!" -poa tcher
"what cher? the hello moto phone ah??" - sha
"yes" - POA Tcher
"hello moto!" -Sha
"i just want a phone which rings like a ring!" - Poa Tcher.
hahahahahahhahaha.
~
"cher i cannot see lah.." - chi guy
"but you're wearing specs!!" - somebody
"you don't be like the blind bat at the staircase!" cher.
~
"eh pendek ah that one" -me
"but kalau pendek bagos what? boleh diri tngah2" - kakak
"WHAT?! YOU WANT SKIRT PENDEK!?" -mia
"huh? aper u bual? no we talking about her height pendek" - kakak
"ouh i thought u all ckp nak skirt pendek" - mia
"eh why not?" - me
"nak mati?" -mia
"see? she pendek dpt everything. diri tengah, kener push up.." - kakak
"dun try to make urself feel good ah. u dah pendek tu buat hal pendek ah." - me
"diam ah" -kakak
"lebih baik they blajar kat CrazyHorse" - mia
"eh u bual mcm phm only u?" -me
"eh i got watch before..." -mia
"SERIOUS PER?! " -kakak
"no! for wad waste money tngok nie sumer...." -mia
"ok per tngok pompan bo**l" - kakak
"hahahahahahahahahhaha" - me
~
the grp soul fusion pakaian mcm nak gi aerobics.
bih this group of pink-shirted guys jumped around on the floor mcm Seals jumping up with a ball on their nose seh.
~
went to nina's house to watch a movie despite having good intentions to do our POA. so watched. freaky siak nina. hahahahahahha. we both kedi, we both scared ah. and i realise she has this compulsive habit of biting her fingernails, scratching her leg and putting her palms to her face but not covering her eyes. pretty freaky. and add in her special sound-effects.
to distract myself, i took photos of her. photos depicting how terrified she was and to show her compulsive behaviours.
her mom went like,
"kalau dah takot to jgn lah tngok. memekak jek"
"hahaha takdalah. nina lah cik. pekik saje. haha. pengecut ah.." -me
*i can speak in malay. but it end to converse in bahase baku if with adults or with those im nt close to, therefore, sounding like a melayu nak step slang*
~
pictures would be up in my Multiplicity soon.
~
faithful support, true courage, undetrring loyalty. qualities i look for in a friend, qualities i demand from myself to be a good friend. i supposed i failed. but my friend have yet to do so. yana yana.... repeat it like amantra. it's not your fault, it's nobody's fault. after 2 years, shouldn't it be better to just let live? kisah dah lamer. dun think about ti anymore. easier said thn done i noe but at tyms, we try to do things for a reason. i love you.
and i realise, someone made me lose my trust in them. and it hurts. if i wanted to confide something, i wouldn't be able to. cause i find, i can't trust the person like i did before. and thus, the situation would continue until the memory cease to hurt.
~
what is the similarities antara talipon dan jemuran?
tag me ur answers.
real answer would be posted up soon.
*lame attempt at moving my tag-traffic. and it really is a joke. farnie lah*
//[taggy]//
chiqa: hahahahahah thank you. eh i miss u siak. HOW HOW HOW. at skool i always majok w u ok. hahahahahahahahaahha.
~
withlove,
Labels: bat, dancefloor, friends, height, hello moto, joke, kiwek, laughter, photos, POA, ulat
Withlove,
9:45 PM
10th
Tuesday, March 13, 2007Today the 13th of March.
note the date.
=)=)
10th Anni with b
=)=)
withlove.
hahahahahahahha.
he sent me to school this morning. and according to Fasha "sanggop sak stakat hantar bih patah balek..kalau aku, tak kuaser sak"
hahahahahhahaha.
sha, kau maner tahu. dier kan terlampau baik pat aku. hahahahahahahahah.
and sha, no matter how amny times i aggravate u. i won't bother apologising next tym. COZ IM YOUR PILL THAT YOU ARE ADDICTED TO IN WHICH YOU CAN'T HELP BUT KEEP COMING BACK FOR MOREEEEEEEEEE~
hahahahahahahha.
ok im crazy.
supposed to go out with B but Family potong jalan. haha.
just got back home.
bathed kjap thn call b.
goodnight people.
*let's pretend i do not have POA hmwk to hand in tomorrow. anyway, its in my ring file which i accidentally submitted for checking...hahahahahahahhaa*
withlove,
Labels: 10th, baby, family, fasha, POA
Withlove,
10:12 PM
and it's unfair
Monday, March 12, 2007the way that it happens.
i never wanted it to happen.
at all.
but it did.
and i can't do no more thn to just go with the flow,
hoping, for some sweet release.
but hell. i can't.
everything i see. everytime i touch. every word i speak.
the pain is inside.
so deep and so..thorough.. it's in my every being, my very soul.
now i'm simply going to lie back.
and let everything wash over me.
because i don't see the point,
in fighting the tide.
Yana i love u.
Fasha too.
=)
and what wonders it is to have someone backing you all the way.
giving you their silent but meaningful support.
what joy and laughter it can give,
to have someone making a fool of themseleves so that someone else can be happy.
how wonderful life is... when you're in the world
withlove,
Withlove,
11:58 PM
first things first
initially, i wanted oh-so-much to blog about this weird dream i had. i woke up drenched in sweat.
several things came to mind;
1) the dream must have woken me
2) the sweat laa.
the actual reason? my home phone rang. and i know the only person who answers is me.
and there i was,struggling in a sleep that seems drugged. my dad picked up the phone. when i heard his voice, tros i panicked. i ran. only to see him put down.
he is very much capable of saying;
"hello takder bye" *hangs*
without waiting for the person to answer. =)
so aku pikia. sapa jek nak kol aku. only one person. NURUL FASHA BINTE SAMSUDIN.
called. SEE HER BLOG SEE HER BLOG!!
ok now i have to top her.
and this is Nurul Fasha binte Samsudin. the one i appear afraid of in this picture.she's the last person who would puji me oh-so-nicely in a blog. the last person. no no. more to "not on the guest list" kinda thing. anyway, back to the story.
to top her calling me a *going thru her blog once again for reference* a pill she's addicted to, i shall ignore it all together. because i won't degrade her by comparing her to someone/sumting. she is beyond comparison. she's the only person who has a bestfriend who would go all out and kill me with her words to defend Sha. so sha, thank her.
maybe its due to the love-hate relationship we share that i can't be sure whether its true she's the one typing or yana. yana i percaye psl she did puji-ed me once before. hahahaha.
hai fasha fasha. i know i don't say this to you as often as i say it to the others.
but.
i
do
love
you.
bigtime.
and that's where everything goes wrong!! hahahahahha. you are the worst study-partner but the greatest vocabulary improver. and its due to you, my english went up. i couldn't bear the thought of you beating me. hahahahahha. wahetever. i suck at puji-ing people. but it's not the words spoken that shows how much i do love u. its the thoughts. kan? words...after being spoken...loses its truest and deepest meaning.. see?just like what i typed. ahha. i dun care if we hurl insults or bite each other's head off ok? because i know, i'm ur pure simple addiction!!!!
i love you nurul fasha binte samsudin. you are my sweetest addiction, my greatest patience-tester and overall... you are you. i would never for the life of me, trade you for someone else. because its you i love.ok dah aku terlampau mushy.
byes babe. see you tomorrow.
stop touching my cheeks. it was pure horror. =)
nur liyana binte muhammad zaini. think things thru.everything sucks right now but you do realise, i'd always be here for u. guilt or not, its still has the same outcome right? the fact that you love me manymany. =)
withlove everybody,
it's all withlove.
Labels: fasha, guilt, liyana, love, saheera, withlove
Withlove,
9:13 PM
Rogue's Dance Competition
so we went.
nina,zan,sha,yana,faiz(yana's adik),nash.
and izie b4 he went to werk.
pandai2 korang kire.
so was late due to me. but was on time to watch rogue dance. nina and i got the chance to go into the area specially for the dancers. salam-ed her Rokiah's family then i video-ed their performance. nice and all but totally lacking energy. Rogue's usual vibrancy wasn't there.
so watched, met up with the other dancers and then we headed to Puncak to eat. food was good though i didn't finish mine (whats new correct?) so walked around wisma atria, then paragon while the guys headed to solat. camwhored alotalotalot there mcm tourists. bih headed to heeren. rushed to guardian near the somerset MRT, rushed back to heeren. bought a black ring for myself with MUCH difficulty because ALL were too LOOSE. hahahahahahahhaha.
then separated frm sha,yana n faiz while they headed home. we then went to cityhall to check out something from MPH for ME. headed to the rooftop of esplanade awhile and whored there. hahahah CAM-whored i mean.
the view was breathtaking as usual, serene. i miss going there w b...
headed home. bounce train. we all fell asleep siak. hahahahahah. nash sampai miss his stop so he went back. then we walked home. the grls wanted to send me home because ader bnyk tym. skali nina's mom asked her go home fast2 instead so we walked together. sumhow or other, i reached my block within 3 minutes. usually, frm that point, i take 15 mins to walk. dunno y today so fast. nina shocked.
tehn home, bathe, changed,head out to makan. NUS mcdees. hahaa. sent mia off to work and here i am.
pics are up at my MULTIPLICITY. check out its under my profile.
=)
~
yana moved her palm down the sides of my body. i wriggled away.
"shab you slim eh? macam so kurus like that" -yana
"huh urh ok. padehal aku gemok seh.." -shab
*instant uproar frm everyone claiming im as thin as a stick*
in the toilet with yana, she went thru my photos in my hp.
"shab aku harap kau tak kecik hati ah...." -yana
"apesal?" -shab
"takder ah...pade aku.. out of three adikbradik kau, u the prettiest.." -yana
"huh? no. kakak aku second. then ferst. thn aku. mater kau buta ker..." -shab
"huh nooooo" -yana
~
hahaha ok dah self-praise session over.
Labels: camwhored, esplanade, MPH, multiplicity, ring, rogue's dance, self-praise
Withlove,
12:18 AM
illegal
Saturday, March 10, 2007guess what.
i am 38kg.
i went to eat tadi.
weigh myself again after eating.
skali i became 35kg.
AFTER EATING.
gah.
my poor pooor mom tot i was anorexic and ready to blow her top off. hahaha.
but i think im depressed?
but guess wad.
MY BODY SHAPE STILL THERE!!
KIREKAN AKU MASEH GEMOK TAU!!
CASE WEIGHT JEK TURON.
anyway,was listening to the song Illegal by Shakira.
realised Iylia noes the song!!
amazing amazing.
and then when i think about it, he knows quite alot of songs.
rupe-rupenyer, dier buang maser watch MTV with..........
IZYAN LIANA!!
hahaha i dunno about that part ah but i like her name. hahahahaha. his adk. the gila gila one.
the one i can identify with kalau lah i ever get THAT gila.
=)
and she told me..
"support Taufik Batisah lah!!"
hahahahahh. she doesn't know me.
ok dah cukup.
b is at chalet. haiyer.
~
Illegal - Shakira
Who would've thought that you could hurt me
the way you've done it
so deliberate, so determined
and since you have been gone
I bite my nails for days and hours
and question my own questions on and on...
So tell me now, tell me now
why you're so far away
when I'm still so close...
Chorus:
You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm Sorry"
you said you would love me until you die
and as far as I know you're still alive, baby
and you don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm Sorry"
I'm starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive
a woman's heart...
I tried so hard to be attentive
to all you wanted
always supportive, always patient
what did I do wrong?
been wondering for days and hours
it's clear is isn't here where you belong...
Anyhow, anyhow
I wish you both all the best
I hope you get along...
Chorus:x2
Open heart, open heart
it should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart...
Open heart, open heart
it should be illegal to deceive a womans heart...
credits:http://artists.letssingit.com/illegal-featuring-carlos-santana-lyrics-illegal-featuring-carlos-santana-33mbnd3
and it really should.
it should be illegal the way everything seems to be making me feel like an "emotional yo-yo" caught at the tips of your little finger.
it should be illegal knowing things that i know and not being able to unburden myself.
it should be illegal, the way everything is turning out to be.
tmrw, please support Ms Siti Rokiah (haha!!)and her teammates at Ngeen Ann City, opposite takashimaya, tomorrow for her anti-drug abuse competition. dress code to show support would be ORANGE AND/OR WHITE. the show will start at 1.45pm. supporters greatly appreciated!
=)
Labels: gila gila, illegal, rogue's dance
Withlove,
8:11 AM
Mally
Friday, March 09, 2007HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY~
my dearest Lina, the one who's always there to go hyper when we bitch, the one who window-shops w me thru the net and everything lah.
hahahahahaa.
sayang Lina.
happy birthday to you,may all your wishes come true.
and hopefully, this year your bdae won't be jinxed.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO AMALINA!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!
Mwahmwahmwah!
doesn't that make you go "aawwwww....."???
=)
and incase my tcher does happen to read this,
please be aware that Rokiah and I deserve dozens of star-cards.
for every single thing we do without a single complain, for every single task you tell us to do AND NOT THE ONES WHO WERE SUPPOSED TO DO SO!
however, after every single task, the so-called responsible person always,always,always gets to shine from ur praises.
thanks for everything and thanks for making us lose weight and gain stress and everything else that's negative while you thank somebody else for what we did.
i blardy stayed back. 3 hours after school was supposed to end, doing what i have to do and doing what you wanted us to do because we happened to be there. and because of that, i had to spend too much time there. and and and rokiah was late for her dance. TAHNKS EH.
Labels: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MALLY
Withlove,
6:37 PM
2.4 km run
Thursday, March 08, 2007school was pure crap.
changed and met up in class. had to be in there by 2.45pm.
HOWEVER, everybody was there BUT NOT our form tcher.
he came when it was 3. how pathetic. and he's always the one who tells us the importance of being punctual.
=)
FINALLY boarded the bus at 4.15pm. LAMER KAAAAAAN?!
but but but. before that, fasha n i was singing.....
RASA SAYANG HEY!!, DIMANA DIA ANAK KAMBING SAYA, HICKORYDICKORY DOCK, HUMPTYDUMPTY, TWINKLETWINKLE LITTLE STARS, TEMPTED TO TOUCH, DIKOCOK KOCOK, SERATUS PERCENT CINTAKU and MOOOOOREEEEEE~
with the sec threes looking at us weirdly.
then we finally ran at... hntah eh..
so ran, quickly i realised sumting was VERY WRONG.
within minutes, i was pathetically panting. and since i am an egoistical person who doesnt have a care for oneself, i ran and ran and ran. then hntah knaper, i stopped short. HAHA. thn degil kan? i cont'd running and joging, not wanting to stop. BUT INSTEAD OF MOVING FORWARD, aku mcm moving backwards.
then Nash came from bhind.
he noticed i was struggling, he told me not to push myself. but the more he say, the more i ran. know what happened next?
i fainted.
HAHA.
Nash tak noticed so he pulled me. thankfully, i snap out of it. so i continued. i briskwalked instead and then increased to a slow jog. Nash helped his ever-sweet gf meanwhile, and then i could run. then same thing happened, but this time i almost fainted. hahaha then nash was there again. so ran with him beside me going "jgn push urself jgn push urself jgn push urself!!" hahahahahahhaa.
aku ego. so aku laaari. HAHA.
then adilah was bside me. then we ran and walked fast2 and jogged. thn Nash was like gng "eh. u left 3 more minutes"
part tu aku panic giler.
HAHAHAH. so i and ilah ran for our lives.
got to the end, WAHAHAHAHA BEST.
i kneeeeeeeled down, trying very very very hard not to blackout psl nanti malu. rogue tiber2 baring beside. i turned nak tanyer;
"rogue kau........." (i got scared psl i tot i was having my asthma attacks.)
she continued lying down.
then i was helped to the nearby busstop with rogue and nina then we lek2. sha came then she told us "kiter sumer ramai2 pass ah..aku raser ah.."
the only thing i could get out of my mouth "Alhamdullilah"
got onto the bus, i found out my timing was a pathetic 16 minutes. fcuk. aku disappointed giler babi and everyone tot i was crazy. because i passed and so did everyone and and and it was a horrendous 2.4km run.
reached school, me and rogue ran to our classroom with me in the lead, screaming "MOVE LAH CHIBAI MOVE LAH BABI MOVE!!!" to everyone in my path. dah masok class, ran to my table and tried to stop. due to my oh-so-strong arms, i grab the table but the momentum power giler, i was flung to the WALL. saket siak. then i collapsed there.
HAHA.
k den lek2. then i think again abt my timing. i cried. disappointed. disappointing. let-down. my timing was never that bad. NEVER. i cried siak.... babi betol. fasha muker cuak when she saw me. hahahahahahahha.
her face hilarious. psl her expression lah aku kekek jap.
ok done. im tired. veeerrrrrryyyyyyy.
i have to do;
filing for english.
filing for SS
filing for Physics
filing for Maths
filing for POA
filing for history
complete corrections for maths
complete maths hmwk
complete POA wrksht
complete my vocab book
complete Malay workbook
complete F&N worksheet
complete analysis of F&N results
tabulate F&N results, draw up graphs, conclude whatever i can frm it
AAAANNNNNDDDDDDD
try to not fall asleep while doing all of it.
and guess wad?
i have 10 hours left to do all that before i leave for school tomorrow.
oh joy to sec 4 life.
i couldn't wait for it to begin, i can't wait for it to end, i can't wait for it to come back when it does end.
Withlove,
8:04 PM
apa saaak
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
apa sak zaaaaaaaan. hahahaha she went and blog about me telling sumting abt the guy she likes.
ahahahhaa but really, should have seen her face. mcm siak jek, mintak kener kekek sampai tercekik sampai muntah darah sampai mampos!
ok dah bedek.
sooooooooo. HAHA. im ok with my result so far. psl it all sucks and i dun bother. im going to do better for my nxt tests though. confirm all marked improvement, confirm. =)
mcm paaaaaaaaaaham.
and i notice, not many ppl blog alot ah nowadays. this year sucks arh. HAHA. soooooooo.
mondays,weds,fridays night tuition w adik or or or self-study or or or hntah ah with strict rules of no hp n nooooooooooooooooooooooo computer.
tues and thurs night classes.
saturday morning mendaki and night tuition with adik.
sundays would be morning tuition at mercu.
FCUK AH.
anyway, i was tinking, adik tak jelak ker asik w me.... hmph.
ok dah bye. i need to go do my F&N ELSE MY DEAAAREST TEACHER WILL SLAUGHTER ME ON FRIDAY. WHAT WITH MY SURVEY NOT DONE YET. HAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAH
ok dah bye.
and guess wad?
I BARELY TALKED TO ANYBODY TODAY.
dilbara was worried. she msged me. so i told her the story of how one single phrase spoilt my day and everything else until i refused to talk. was too fcukedup.
withlove,
Withlove,
9:35 PM
Nooo
Monday, March 05, 2007tell me, in as many languages as you know, the word for no..
because i am desperately in need of it now.
no to anything and everything.
fcuk ok fcuk.
screwed things up once was enough, and there i go, screwing it up ALL FCUKING OVER AGAIN.
this is one of the times,i WANT work.
so i can fully immerse myself in it and won't think.
so for now, i am shutting down my mind.
i rather be oglivious and ignorant and everything else that comes with it, except to know the truth. BUT HAHA. me being me, i couldn't resist the pull of TRUTH. so i had it told, to my face. k no, thru phone. but yeah. andddd. HAHA. whatever lah.
i need to go. i need to do my maths. my history my malay.
GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT!!
aku fail humans aku.
achievement eh. to fail sumting which i love giler babi and which i wan to score giler babi. and fcuk, i passed what i didnt expect to. TALK ABT FCUKING IRONY.
k i do seem angry.
Labels: angry, fail, ignorant, irony, no, oblivion, screwed up, truth
Withlove,
9:45 PM
~total oblivion~
Sunday, March 04, 2007
and it is total oblivion no more.
was jolted AWAKE in the car by dearest hump on the road.
not only that, the realisation that MY F&N INITIAL RESEARCH DEADLINE WAS 2 DAYS AGO!!!!
like fuck ok.
i forgot.
i didn't go to the after school consultation because i was S-I-C-K. and now i forgot.
ok dah bye aku rushing.
guess what?
HEALTH CHECKUP TOMORROW, BRING P.E. SHIRT [only students of 4e4 mind u, we r the only one's hu need to bring p.e. shirt]
oh everybody go fcuk yourself.
and do not leave a comment on my tagboard telling me my blog is ugly.
I KNOW OK?!
Godd now i only have English and Mother Tongue to look forward to in my life siak.
can tomorrow's english lesson come any sooner?
pls?
i feel like shit.
withirritablelove,
Labels: FnN, health checkup, research
Withlove,
10:08 PM
~done~
and chak!
i've done my blogskin.k bedek i mainly edited.
and it's getting uglier but whatever.
my creative juices are GOOONEEEEEEE~
not that i have one to speak of. but yeah.
Common Tests , i blame you.
its raining it's pouring kakak is ikuting me to the libraryyyyyy~
i hope.
Labels: creative juices, kakak, layout, library
Withlove,
4:05 PM
i belong to mee
haha just heard the song by jessica simpsons. i think.
quite nice lah..
but dah lamer2 dngr, naik boring..
FCUK AH LAYOUT AKU BORING GILER.
no wonder i always blog but dun bother reading afterwards..
ok dah bye i shall edit my layout.
Withlove,
2:08 PM
jinxed
Saturday, March 03, 2007i think i'm jinxed. like really.
woke up this morning nak gi mendaki, sejuk giler babi.
bathed. within 5 mins, the water turned icy cold.
k fine nie normal.
then wore my giordano sweater to school. halfway, panas terik. like wtf.
then then then.
go school. NAK GI TOILET ALSO HAD TO BEG SCREAM CAJOLE KOWTOW and all. merapek. HAHA. bagos nxt week tak jumper dier. HAHA. blardy maths tcher carik psl.
then balek, abah cannot fetch as per normal because he was at kallang. then then then. balek siap-ed. sekalik mia plak carik psl ask me do this do that. then meet nina, i waited for a blardy 30 mins. THIRTY MINUTES SIAK.
hahaha headed to h.c tngok tngok jap, then cwp banquet for nina makan. sekali mia called asked to meet when she tadi ckp at 6.. so i forced kak n mia go up and we ate. HAHA. then rushed off while nina headed to meet the others.
KAKAK GOT A BAG AS BIRTHDAY PRESENT, LAWA GILER. SHE GETTING IPOD VIDEO FOR BIRTHDAY PRESENT ALSO. SHE ALSO GET TO HOLD A BIRTHDAY PARTY WHICH COST AROUND 500 BUCKS!!!!
untung siak jadik kakak.
TAPI I STILL WANT AN ADIK!!
mia, sex anytime soon??
=)
hahahahahahahahahaaaah
Labels: Adik, banquet, bdae prezzy, jinxed, kakak, nina
Withlove,
11:06 PM
2.4KM RUN
Friday, March 02, 2007U NOE U NOE.
im having my 2.4 km run.
this coming thursday.
AKU TAKOT NAK MAMPOS.
paham?
bagos.
tidak? takpe.
AKU TAKUT FAIL SIAK!!
DAH BERBULAN LAMA NYA KU TIDAK LARI OIIIII~
hahahaha. im so malay-ish today.dunno y.
and and and, this time, the 2.4 km run would be at sembawang connector ker aper. baaaaabi.
aku taaaaaaaakot.
really.
skalik last person in the whole level eh!?
mampat jek...
bih like the whole level plus sec 3 nyer level seh. bagidol.
aku takot aku takot aku takot.
Labels: 2.4km, malay-ish, takot, whole level
Withlove,
9:48 PM
yin and yang
know what ihate?
fighting with those dear to me.
gah.
guys, please laaa, appreciate the grls abit boleh taaaaak?
in a day, ader 24 hours. takkan a minute from that 24 hours also takle spend time with the grls??
nak ngn members jek. MACAM GAY. i think gays pun tak macam gitu ok?
grls, kite pun samer laaaaa.. nk ngn members jek..
hahahahahahah both sexes need the opposite. without grls, no babies. without guys, no babies either!!
kwangkwangkwang. ouhhh.
yana wans 12 babies with a mat salleh.
kirekan kau pikir stamina kau bagos ah yana? hahahahahah.
sha refuses to allow the kids into her house for raya, can u imagine?
here i am, thinking my frens are ANGELS *maybe so called angels... or is it only me??* and there sha goes... being meeeeeean.
during school, frm sitting to standing was torture, sitting to standing was torture, squatting was pure insanity. walking down or up the stairs? i can cry.
the grls all jalan like kengkang. the guys egoistic nak step macho ah jln alright. thnx to p.e. gaaaaaaah.
afta school.
sha,yana.nina n me. walking back home with awkward steps. fasha brought up the topic on yana wanting to have 12 babies. n nina menyampuk n said "aku nak 6 anak!!"
then aku plak menyampuk ckp "gurantee sumer lain bapak!!!"
psl she has this rep of changing guys alot ah between us grls. like a private joke ah, padehal tidak. then sha n me burts out luffing like giler babi like cannot stop like dat.
sha : well said shab!!
nina: fcuk u pala buto puki kau blahblhablah
sha n me? : luff like freaking nonstop.
wanted to head to cwp w nina jap, skalik couldnt take the soreness and headed home.
oh home suweeeeeeet home.
k bedek. KAAAAATIL SUWEEEEEEEEEET KATIL!!
my bck is aching, my thighs are stiff, i fought, i cried, i laughed, i scream, i whisper.
that goes to show: i'm still normal afterall.
Labels: 24 hours, fighting, gay, home sweet home, members, normal
Withlove,
3:28 PM
wooooooohooooooooo~
Thursday, March 01, 2007check out the time!!
hahahahah im awake at this hour. been typing my English Essay for mendaki since just now. i did 4 copies because the ferst draft was crap and so was the other two. the last one was by far the best because i'm too tired to be critical of even myself.
now f&n n poa is calling out to me.
oh heck.
i shallignore POA. tmrw is definitelyy depreciation and disposal which i suck at. so its ok.
f&n.
guess wad!
i got this sickly feeling in my stomach that... i failed each and every paper. really. secret roncher said to the class that it was horrigible. really.
HAHAHAHA!
"cher how do we knoe.........." - steph
"THIS IS THE 6TH TIME I AM SAYING!! IT GOES TO SHOW THAT NOONE IS LISTENING!!! oh no i don't mean you, i meant THE WHOE CLASS IS NOT LISTNEING!!" *points up* -poa teacher.
"eh cher wad meeeeee??? *with offended look*" ding chen
"i am merely pointing up. now LISTEN!!" -poa tcher.
rogue n sah still doing their work. then poa tcher screamed again. rogue looked up, not fasha.
"i said listen! ok fine specifically FASHA!!" - poa tcher
everybody burst out luffing because never have she ever pinpointed exactly the person who doesnt pay attention. farnie lah she.
and sha's brother, sha, her mother sound exactly alike on the phone.
and her whole family calls me "submarina, submachine gun, substitute" (!!)
this is hwat boredom does to u.
Labels: boredom, English eassay, fasha, FnN, mendaki, POA, subs
Withlove,
1:35 AM