dig this

Thursday, May 31, 2007

i was chatting with Senthil laaaa.
so the topic was about Hindi movies.


I Need Some Blood In My Coke Stream says:
The plots are usually ridiculous


Nai. whatever tomorrow brings says:
but very sweet n romantic and brings ur hopes up very high that maybe love does exists but only to realise its all pure crap n tt love doesnt exist and then u get disappointed.


I Need Some Blood In My Coke Stream says:
I presume u watch bollywood garbage than


Nai. whatever tomorrow brings says:
yes i do =)

~

dig that. i have become very angsty. and he might be giving my dearest mother a report on my progress for class. and he says that he's doing me a favour.....because he says he will leave out the part that i'm very angsty.

o_O

ok first time im using that emoticon. feels weird. so my dad just came home. i'm online aaaaaaand there's school tomorrow. hai.. i think i have homework. i think only lah.

and yes, my sister might be buying a clutch for me. despite giving me one the other day. =)

~

=)

i saw this phrase at a random blog.

"so baby i will wait for u. cause there's nothing else i can do"

i saw and i laughed. oh the bittersweet memories. bitterbittersweet...

anyway. i want to have a baby and a husband =)

like.. hntah. very exciting. especially when it's the first child! mcm woaaaaaah gituk. and guess what, i can not imagine the idea of me being pregnant or going thru pregnancy even..
but i can't wait!!!!
wahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahaha

=)=)

ok i neeeeeeeed to do homework now. goodnight.

so my family ate my dishes. aaaaand. their response is very encouraging. =)

"ma how? bah how? kak how??" - me
"yah, u tak payah masak lah ginik.. tak payah upah orang pulak tu.." -abah

kakak was too busy stuffing her face =)

i was smiling and all. haha.

ok,

MUHAMMAD HARITH BIN JUMADI, DIPERSILAKAN MASOK ONLINE KERAAAAAAANA KU HARUS MEMESAN SESEORANG SESUATU.

so world, chak.
scrolol down, another post.

sampaikan lah salam

cintaku padanya

walaupun terluka

namun ku merindu

tiada akhirnya

walaupun kau telah

menghancurkan

sampaikanlah salam

cintaku padanya

walaupun sengsara

namun ku masih sayang

kerana cintaku

mewangi dan harum

walau tercampak dimana jua

andai ku tiada

biarku abadi

cinta yang setia ini

biar pun kau juah

sambutkan salamku

kerana aku masih menyayangi

tidak pernah

aku membenci dirimu

Withlove,

9:09 PM

blast-y

today was great lah basically.

woke up (pagi2 jek aku dah nangis mcm pukimak kan), bathed and all and sent Yayi's food. then headed to CWP bcoz mom wanted to get me this sweater at DANO which is nice. but, too big.

so headed to WestCoast. shopped at AKIRA warehouse sale. like things are super cheap lah (80% discount). shopped for PERABOT RUMAH AH RITH!!! (rice cooker, iron, kettle, lightbulbs,mp3 speaker, earpiece and headphones.. k Red,aku happy. tak payah tunggu lamer2)

then then then. adik bought 2 huge sewing machines which is like so the expensive laaaa. bih went to Clementi Interchange, bought an adidas watch. =)
my white watch is usable but.. i shall need to close down that chapter of my life right? so it's going to be in the box...

i wanted the purple, BUT, the blue was like calling me. so got the blue watch. =)
$69, haha i am soooo gonna get screwed if my Malay O's isn't an A2 at least.

headed to the fish shop for Abah's and Kakak's hobby then home.

*tips on how to get $170.10 by sunday anybody??*

~

O level practical was on Wednesday. in school i was calm and Ain went "aren't you scared? before mine i was scared seh"... hahah but inside i was quacking with fear lah basically. sooooo end of the day, i ran up to the cookery room. started the practical at... 1.25pm. initially, i panicked. then it started getting better.

there was this part, i over-cooked the spaghetti i think.. so it went like flat abit abit.. so i laughed and laughed and laughed. adilah,sharing the same table, asked me what's up. i said "Ilah, aku confirm takle kahwin seh.. tak reti masak betol..."

and we laughed and the typical fussy teacher gave us a glare. oh whatever. sooooooooooooo ended. presentation was farnie.

my spaghetti? NICE NICE NICE GILER!! hahahahha. despite not practicing at home. my rice dish was also ok laaaa. then the Char Kway? in Senthil's words, "cannot make it one.."

so i was washing up lah midway and all. then i looked at Elrin cooking and all? i laughed like nonstop.Adilah dah tau and we laughed, softly this time.

"SHAB TAKLE KAHWIN AH NANTI"

my reply?

"takder org pun nak aku per.. haha"

dishes cooked : seafood spaghetti, claypot rice aaaaaaaaand char kway teow

so yeah. went home with Ilah and Iffa. was pretty bushed so headed home. skalik tuition. i got pissed. then i begged to be let off after an hour. ran out screaming and jumping for joy JUST TO HEAD FOR ANOTHER TUITION CENTRE. =(

so was heading to the busstop when my handphone rang. i looked at the time and i smiled. i knew who was calling despite not having caller id. hung up before reaching the centre. so the night ended pleasantly at 12am because went to fetch mom from work and jalan2 awhile.

~

one long post to make up for it all.

kerana kau, ku masih disini

kerana kau ku bisa menangis

dan kerana kau yang

menghancurkan

ku tiada berteman

terkenang wajahmu aku pilu

selangkahku

tersebut namamu

tak terasa jiwa ku dipalu

oleh rindu dan dendam

padamu

dan ketika ini dan di saat iti

dimanakah dikau

kau puja bulan yang

mengambang

kau pinta bunga yang

di taman larangan

kau sendakan ku punya

perasaan

dan kau menyatakan bahawa

cinta ini

hanyalah permainan......

mengapakah tak kau rasa

bukan paras rupa

yang sangat ku pinta oh oh

tapi hati yang dapat merasa

yang kesedihan ini tak lain

hanyalah keranamu

mengapakah harus

ku tanggong semua ini

tiadakah kau merasakan

kesedihanmu tak lain

hanyalah keranamu....

and to all, i've made a new blog. =)
if i don't tell u the link, it's called "life".

Izan, have a safe trip.

Withlove,

8:17 PM

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Doaku buat kekal selamanya - Azrina

[music]

ohhh hmmmm...

[1]
berbagai persoalan
bermain di fikiran
jika dibiarkan
jiwaku tertekan

[2]
hati ini bertanya
mencari jawapannya
tetapi aku bimbang disalah ertikan

[3]
lalu aku mengandaikannya sendiri
bersoal jawab
berteka-teki
bukan cinta jika ada yang memaksa
bukanlah cinta
jika terpaksa

[4]
belum bertemu jawapan sebenar
siapa aku di hati
masih samar-samar
dimanakah nanti berakhir perjalanan
apa mungkin habis nyaris
sepahnya dibuang

[5]
cuma yg pasti
aku ikhlas menyayangi
doaku buat kita kekal selamanya

oooooh....oohhh.....ooooh

(ulang dari [1] hingga habis)

[3],[4],[5]

selamanya....

~

fcuk im starting to get very 'in a hateful' mood. it's raining.

i'm going out.

good riddance to some people.
it's really unfair to keep one hanging and whatthehell i chose to be that way.

fcuk myself lah eh.

ok dah bye i'm going out.


~

bytheway, pagi2 aku kener maki CHIBAI by 2 DIFFERENT people. PAGI2.
thanks eh korang.

sorry Heera made u panic, i'll excuse u but not Fasha. =)

Withlove,

1:57 PM

tell me

Monday, May 28, 2007

=)

Malay paper was... malay-ish. ok crap. headed to McD with Liy and Nina. ate, thn i headed home. blardy hell they walk selo. reached home, msg kjap, call once then fell asleep.

i woke up to a phone call. so mumbled sumting and hung up.. soooooo kan i fell back asleep. 10 mins later, another fone call woke me up. kiwek, by then i was pissed n couldnt sleep so contd talking on the fone.

BYTHEWAY, I GOT MY CADBURY!!! dapat duer plak tu. orang tu kaya kaaaaaaaaaaaaaan =)
thank you bnykbnykbnykbnyk.

bck.
soooo was talking, tiber2 i heard "sebuah orang? nooooo SEMUA!! semua takder 'h' lah.. jadi semuaaah!"

i cackled with laughter.

i love some people so much. =)=)=)

~

my waist (or is it hip??) size is........23.5 inches. i was 26 inches before.. =(
so i lost weight,from 46 to 40kg. haha. my mother is very very very upset. she forced me to eat but whatthehell i cant swallow. i think i might be having insomnia. =(

sobs.

my side still hurts. the bruise is slightly fading but it hurts. i cant bend at all.
hahahaha. ok not my fault. its partly only.

i think. i think im going crazy.

Withlove,

9:30 PM

belum bertemu

Saturday, May 26, 2007

looking at notebooks. then realised i lost my purple one.

so searched high and low. found, read the entries. tears of laughter and joy mingled togteher on my cheeks. =)

there's some thing i love so much.

so today, is the first time i truly felt happy after everything. haha but tadi i pantat gatal maha gatal, i went bloghopping and saw something which brought my morals down. but takper takper. it's how i feel and all. i'm happy. that's what that is suppose to matter right now.

malay o levels in... 2 days? yeah/. so im scared shitless lah. haha. but it's ok. Insya-Allah i can make it.

oh happy day!
oh happy day...
oh happy day!
oh happy day....

~

=)

hey hello let's start anew shall we? because it's clear as day that i miss you today.

haha pure random crap. soooooo wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

i'm happy. and i hope it lasts. because i have renewed faith. i have renewed hope. and hopefully, i have goals to achieve. ahahah. ok dah bye.

whatsthepointinpretendingwhenalligetisthesame?

seperti melukut di gantang. keluar tidak mengurangi, masuk tidak memenuhi.

dah aku? aku hanya seperti jentayu menuggu kan hujan.

Withlove,

6:33 PM

down and under

Friday, May 25, 2007

Rogue, thanks for the huge and very heavy mug. i had to use both hands just to lift it. hah. it was sweet and nice. thank you.

closing down my blog. yes yes prior notice to one and all. expect an irritating tag from me saying "relunk relink!"

haha. so have to decide its blogger or blogdrive or livejournal.

and i'm sick of this url. it's not...oxymoronic enough. =)

andandand. i decide to close this chapter of my life down.
enough is definitely enough.
i can't live in the past forever when one has obviously moved on.

so yes.

~

went to school with a heavy maha heavy bag. inside 2 kamus okays!? haha. so had to do a reflection and everything about our results, how we had contributed to the school and everything ah. mine was. i dunno.

tnrw i'm not going to mendaki.

alhaldulillah.

wait, i have yet to tell my parents. haha.

=)

oh wait. they wont even look at me, so how should i tell? oh yes. a letter. ok done.


~

inspite and despite it all. inspite and despite it all. it has happened and i no longer can lay any claim or hope on u. but it's ok. i promised.

Withlove,

7:52 PM

caught red-handed

Thursday, May 24, 2007

so my parents found out.
alah not hard lah to figure it out, i do credit my parents w brains ok..

Sha's house again. no no..
Sha detention, waited w Liy n Zan for her.
Sha out, waited for Heera plak.

Sha's hse.

beautiful intention of studying.
as they say "intentions never last".

ended up, MANUSIA BERTUAH YANG MANER KAN GI BUKAK LAGU JIWANG YANG MAHA JIWANG.

last2, members emo, satu-satu nak nangis. Satu plak dah emo, tros balek. pergi dah, jgn nak step tahan airmata ah babe. mater dah merah tu. hah.
K.Iz called, got pissed thn i headed home w Zan. literally dragged feet home lah today.

i was at EVG pri traffic light nearest to zan's block lamer there. and a guy walked past me. i reached the busstop 911,858 busstop there. and guess what? the guy already walked past my block.

i was slow. but it's ok. i was too busy smiling, thinking and remembering.

Iylia was sweet ystd. thanks for everything but really, some things are meant to do on our own. =)

~

the bruise is getting uglier and it has spread. Thank God my parents didn't find out i got hit by that car. hah. it hurts when i turn my whole upper body to the left and it hurts when i want to sit on the floor. but its ok. no biggie.

[taggy]

Lina: hahah i love u ok. thanks. =)

Shariffa: tahu pun u never talk to me for a long time. bikin saket hati loh kamu. =) but it's ok. we are busy MT o lvls students. chish mcm phm.

Danial : hahahahah finally. aku luper plak nak tag kau bnykbnykbnykbnykbnyk alah kau get the gist lah....

Shariffa: yes i noe. i am sweet. =)

~

i was right the first time when i asked that qns to myself.

cause this time, it's real

Withlove,

7:33 PM

stronger thn ystd

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

hah. the title is from Britney's song.

Rogue asked me just now in school,

"are you strong enough to let go?"

the answer is simple. i do not have a choice either way.

no words would do justice
to the love i have
nor the memories i save.
what more, the feelings buried deep in the grave..
of my heart?

and as izan says.

memang dia jejaka idamanmu.
Namun,
belum tentu kamu wanita idamannya..

and what more can i say?
it's true.

but whatever. my form teacher wanted to meet my mother to talk to her about my results and the fact that i'm improving alot more this time round. i think i looked stressed out BECAUSE he said he wont and he would just give a call or something.
=)

i want to cry myself to sleep.

sweetdreams people.


and to you, i never wanted things to get this far. but i guess, the choice is not mine any longer. if only you were to ask me to wait, i would. but instead, you merely looked away from me. i said it before, what is this compared to 2 years before? and i found out the answer.

this time, it's real.

Withlove,

11:49 PM

crash and burn

the title sounds very familiar but i can't recall where i've heard of seen it before.
help anybody?

singgah-ed library sekejap so that zan could return her VERY OVERDUED books and so that me n heera could make an attempt on improving our malay by borrowing malay novels.

so was searching when i chanced upon this phrase.

"apabila kau sedia menutup buku derita, akanku buka kitab bahagia"

somehow it means alot to me. somehow or other ok.

so the danger mood came. zan did her f&n, heera searched for meanings to words she didn't understand and i? i wrote. and i wrote. after each phrase, i showed it to zan n heera. Iylia saw them to.

one of zan's n heera's favourites,

when a smile lights up my face,
it's only because you caused the spark..

THAT WAS ORIGINAL OKAYS?!

~

don't ask me why i cry

when you bade me goodbye.

cause it's as clear as day,

i've missed you today.

Withlove,

4:19 PM

it's a wonder

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

it's a wonder how one can move away so fast
while the other is still stuck somehow or other.

and it's frustrating.

so yes thanks to one, the news is practically published. so, if the whole world is reading the thing, the whole world knows.

so haha.

shall i publish it as well?

guess what.

i shan't. because even if it is done and over with, it's still a part of me.

so "i'm here without you..."

~

much to Rogue's and Heera's mortification, i told them that i got hit by a car. haha. no biggie. just an ugly bruise. soooooo i shall edit everything in my life and consider the notion of drowning.

no no. im scared shitless. how bout... stabbing? gah too painful. urh FLYING! down the block?

no no spiderman nanti tangkap.


ouh wait. my spiderman lookalike is nomore.

shit. i have to stop doing this. enough is enough.

6 more days until anything bad can really happen.

Withlove,

5:35 AM

Sunday, May 20, 2007

I haven't slept at all in days
It's been so long since we have talked
And I have been here many times
I just don't know what i'm doing wrong

Chorus:
What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there

There's only so much I can take
And i just got to let it go
And who knows I might feel better yeah
If I don't try and I don't hope

(Chorus)

No more waiting, no more aching,
No more fighting, no more trying...
Maybe there's nothing more to say
And in a funny way I'm calm

Because the power is not mine
I'm just gonna let it fly

(chorus, 2x)

Love me Love me Love me...

~

scroll down for today's post.

Withlove,

10:40 PM

it's true

one thing is certain.
i've never regretted a single thing all along ever since.. ever since.

but now?

the only thing i regretted is the fact that...
there's so many things left unsaid until...
everything is left to fester and burn and congeal into something ugly.

and i can't and won't let it happen.

because i am something ugly. i realise that. and i won't take you down with me.

the temptation is huge but it's time i let you lead your own life.

~

i walked into my room in a daze. and i suddenly realise something is sticking to my feet. i looked down to a puddle of blood. my feet is bleeding like f. and i didn't realise the pain.

everyone knows the level of pain i can and cannot take. and guess what? i didn't realise it until then.
so taaaaadaaaaaaa~

i went to bed. i looked at the ceiling and i realised something. things are going out of control. and i looked down.

a picture.

of us.

smiling.

a fleeting thought came onto my mind

"can it be a reality once more?"

the ugly ugly ugly truth came knocking.

i passed out.

~

forgive the drama. if it's not dramatic, it's not shabrina shari.
if it's not deranged or angsty, it's not shabrina shari either.

~

thank you for coming. the first person to come into mind was you. and thank you for being able to come. i appreciated it. and guess what? you made me laugh in the first 8 seconds of the conversation. for everything you've done and for something much more, i thank you. =)

Withlove,

9:27 PM

courage

Saturday, May 19, 2007

i plucked up whatever courage i had after a tiring night, and told abah my MYE results.

his answer was simple.

"u've been studying so hard. what's wrong? you rarely sleep, u always doing ur hmwk lah, coursework lah, practice papers lah..."

"i tak tahu bah... i buat and all...at home i boleh, but kat exams i takleh. like boleh ah bih tak boleh jugak.."

"b, aper u bual...?"

"takder ah bah... i noe ah i do like badly all, i do my best the next time and all the way till my olevels ok?"

"make sure. tonight go sleep. semalam u never sleep kan?"

"how u noe?"

"i tahu lah. i walk past ur bedroom braper times..."

"ouh...."

"mak tahu? reuslts kau?"

"tak. mak perna tanyer ah. but i tak bilang. pasal its pathetic."

~

told my mom after getting home. guess what? cried. cried like F. so from now on, studies are the toppest of the toppest priority. i shall not fail anything anymore.

~

K.Iz (THAT GAY BOY) tested my peribahase just now. i scored. 41 out of 46. and he gave me an advice which.... i shall admit... m too egoistic to take because it would mean that my efforts are going to waste. so i stuck out my tongue and he laughed n the mood lighten considerably. he told me

"i only see a1 students obsessing over their studies like u."

my reply?

"it's a pity i don't get a1 right?"

hah. so headed home.

tomorrow maths tuition with Senthil then the peace and quiet of the study room. hopefully, i'd be able to concentrate and study and do practice ppr for 4 hours STRAIGHT. i dun care.

goodnight, waking up later tonight.

Withlove,

8:50 PM

aparently

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

izan says that in every entry, i will write either damn, shit or cb.

i shall now refrain from doing so since she is saying "SHAB U'RE DEPRESSED".

no, u r wrong. i m not depressed.

i'm in a depressing SITUATION.

yes MYE results is utterly disappointing. the subjs which i thought i would pass, fail miserably. the subjs which i noe i failed, failed terribly.

guess what?

my malay o levels is in 12 days.

out of 27 peribahasa tested, i got 1 wrong. guess whats the response i got?

"u can't make it no matter what"

makes me wonder sometimes,

whatever did i do in my past life to deserve such malice right now?

~

12 fcuking days. 12 fcuking days and i'm not getting an A for my MYE. it sucks ok? i shall now... humble and belittle myself and resort to begging Adik to help me. i hate asking her for help, she always makes me feel like im the dumbest THING ever created on the face of earth.

Senthil says im funny. but he wasn't sure whether it's in a good way or in an odd way. but he is sure that i'm very expressive (read: dramatic)

Withlove,

10:50 PM

say it right

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

you either get it
or you don't
you either
or you fall

~

4 words to choke upon

leave me alone please.

~

there is something that i need, someone who i need.
there is someone who i DON'T need and something which i don't either.

right now.
right now.
right this second.

i can have no say.
because it's as clear as day
that you're pushing me away.

~

anyway, whenever i salam Liy, we would always seem to be "bukak silat" kind. lift hand up with one hand at the elbow then stretch it right out. hah.

Withlove,

9:43 PM

what's love..

Monday, May 14, 2007

sorry, liking the song suddenly.

fat joe feat. Ashanti i think.

~

i will state here what i have done so as to allow as many people as possible be my witness.

hah crap. but whatever. i shall officially let go and let him be. no more strings attached. inspite it all, i will still continue giving my all with the condition of me not asking for anything in return.

if possible, i would like for it to be writ in blood. but my mother would probably go bonkers seeing the scars lah.



the heat is on. i have received my disappointing results. yes Kak u can tell mia AND the whole wide world when u read this ok?
read : sarcasm in case u didn't notice.

i have a private tutor a.k.a second sister who is a genius in the whole wide world (as far as my parents are concerned) who will do whatever it takes to make sure i cry every single night.
i have tuition pratically every single day and even tuition on weekends.

and everybody is woondering why i'm not scoring.

oh wait, EVEN I AM WONDERING WHY THE HELL IM STUPID OK.

fcuk.


noooo don't tok to me right now. i need to cool off my head.

Iylia, menimbun eh alasan pasal Ramly.
Harith, chooooooooocolate. i like ur new skateboard =)

Withlove,

10:55 PM

now

Sunday, May 13, 2007

i wonder why everything can turn out so perfect one day, and utter.... i don't know...the next day?

everything was better thn fine this morning. no more fighting no more sad stories..

so much for optimism this time around.

nothing gold can stay, remember shab?

i always hope, only to be disappointed.
i always knock myself on the head,only to do it again.


i'm disappointed, right now,right this instance.

the bitter bitter taste. the painful aftertaste.

Withlove,

10:17 PM

just so you know now

Saturday, May 12, 2007

many things to blog about.

wasn't able to due to internet being very very unreliable for once (nie part Harith will laugh)

~11 May 2007~
woke up to "oh shit im late for school"

then the SWEEEEEEEEEET realisation that there wasn't school sunk in. =)
so watched the tv and did editings and reviewings for his blog. 5 straight hours. wth. so at 4.30pm went out to meet Eggplant, skali met her at 5.15pm pasal she was SLOW.

then ate at banquet,walked around looking for gifts and all. so she had to rush home because KAKAK SURUH BALEK KEMAS RUMAH =)

met up with Izan, Shariffa, Mat, Iylia. Harith and Hafriz went off already then walked around cwp. Iylia bought sumting at Popular,wasn't sure. went to Metro toys section because "there's a kid in us". forced someone to call me to complain about orang tu. HAH. Izan jealous =)

went home soon after.

waitwaitwait, before that, MET LINA. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. makin lawa, i shrieked and jumped up when i saw her. hahahahahahahhaha.
miss her like loads seh......

~12 May 2007~

woke up to "oh shit im late for school" (always happens). called nina up and rushed to meet her. mendaki was as per normal. went to Marsiling Mrt there there there to look at hp pouches and covers. muhaimin wanted to change hp also i think. hntah ah, i was too busy acting drunk with nina. headed home, siap-ed met Baby. i was late. (as usual) on the way there, i msged him "i know where you went ystd". his reply?
"bodoh nyer wan"

HAHAHA. apparently i'm not supposed to noe where he went ystd and wan updated all about it. HAHA.

so headed to Jurong Point. searched for the perfect gift for his mom. and Wan, i agree, HAKIM CEREWET.

funnily enough, having his official grlfrn beside him didn't deter him from looking at MARRIED WOMEN on stage. gah.

went for a movie. spiderman 3. he watched it b4 but went again pasal i haven't watch. hahahaha. went off pasal he tuition-ing his cousins. but before that, something almost made me cry. so walked around CWP alone... tngok2, buy some stuff.. went to pasar malam skjap... then home.. waiting for 10.30 to come so that i can watch the eye 2.


shucks, parental unit is home. bye.


p.s: i have my own spiderman dance-a-like.
p.p.s: never knew after eating, your finger gains the most width.
p.p.p.s: somebody (im gonna kill that person) taught baby to be sarcastic.

[taggy]
chiqa: haha go out ok? hahah. nanti we try settle for a day.

Wondergirl : eleh wondergrl konon. eh jgn ckp gitu lagi lah, malu i... hahahaha

Iylia : hahahaha sure,no prob editing. and YES RAMLY BURGER AYAM SATU OK?! ooooooh i havent link eh? hahahaha.

Shariffa: miss u too lah!!

Wondergirl: eh eh settle ngn Iylia at his blog laaaaa. hahahahaha. anyway, hello didi! shab tak seram ngn swivels!!

Harith : aper lah. dun wan tok to u until friday rmbr?

Withlove,

10:26 PM

=)

Thursday, May 10, 2007

MYE IS OVER.

i can officially declare myself a sitting duck awaiting execution.

my humanities is officially rabak. dah let go dah. my poa just now was TERRIBLE. 20marks gone just like that due to the time constraint. wtf.

gone just like that. thanks to my illness lah. didn't go to scool for two days. 6 periods of POA gone just like that, covering topics MYE plak tu. gah gah gah. let's see...what to tell my parents (especially mia)?

"mia i actually study like f lah tapikan tat day yang i sakit tu kan *insert the mother slapping me*"

ok end of story.

i want to scream lah. monday will be math's results and chem results. i shall keep quiet abouut it and wait for 25th may, the REPORT BOOK DAY. gaaaaaaaah.

confirm my cuzin top of her level or something. confirm my sister willl be going "you know b i never fail before?" and my dad would go "forget it. kerje kat banquet cleaner pun manager tak nak kau".

hai, this is the life.

so a few weeks back, my sister went,

"b u notice tak neighbour kiter rebond the hair?"

"what? the mother? takder pun..."

"NO. THE FATHER!"

and we both cackled like non-stop hits.

my sister is beside me right now. she's asking about exams.

i just went "hah. hah. heh." so she noes it's horrible.

Iylia's blog. skin changed by me with several editings. nice? yeah. hahaha. hopefully he likes it when he sees it for real. the post was sweet also. but uber long lah. i can't wait for sundays tuition.

oh oh oh. iylia promised to buy for me a ramly burger. HAH

Withlove,

10:39 PM

way back into love

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

from the soundtrack of “Music and Lyrics”


I’ve been living with a shadow overhead
I’ve been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I’ve been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can’t seem to move on

I’ve been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I’ve been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

I’ve been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I’ve been searching but I just don’t see the signs
I know that it’s out there
There’s got to be something for my soul somewhere

I’ve been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody just to get me throught the night
I could use some direction
And I’m open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I’m hoping you’ll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don’t know if it’s real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love

And if I open my heart to you
I’m hoping you’ll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I’ll be there for you in the end

~

baby you know i love you.

Withlove,

5:04 PM

so haha

i shall blog randomly to stop bugging wan.

maths paper has 9 pages only.
guess what?

the paper was 2 and a half hours long BUT more thn half of who i know couldn't finish it.
and the paper is 2and a half hours. gaaaaaah. i couldn't finish it....... secret roncher is gonna freak.

chem paper was a breeze. really. out of..let's say 10 pages, i could only do one. easy giler the paper.... wtf ah..

so went home with Mat and Rith. Saf came on at Adm thn farhan n saiful. so went home, my second sister is home. she's irritating me. i want my bantal busuk but she refuses to relinquish her hold on it. hello, bantal tu busyuk lah.....

alermak.

ok my chem book is with Fasha. guess wad? i shall blame her should i fail my exam. Sha, u shall drown in guilt.

tell iz to TAG SHAB LAH KALAU BACER NIE BLOG. kiwek.

i dun like iz. really. i cant forgive him for saying that i can be a good actress for STANDUP COMEDY. i shall kill him if and when i see him.

sha just told me she loves me. grl, tell me something new ok? hahahaha aku sayang kau jugak.


i can't wait for the 12th and 13th.

Withlove,

3:52 PM

love II

Sunday, May 06, 2007

today was love. woke up at 8, fell back to sleep due to SLEEPING AT 2 AM IN THE MORNING.
woke up at 9am thinking that tuition was at 9.30am.

panic like f like f like f and end up, tuition at 10. skali i siap-ed then last2, came to tuition at 10.17am. waited for nina until 10.25am siao. then masok. thn did work. had a "truth-telling" session. ok dah then headed to MCD for my science tuition.kena cancel. headed to lib. studied like f like f.

guess wad happened?

me n nina fell asleep. =)
ok bedek. our head dropped around b4 we realised tt we were abt to fall aslp. hah. then rahmat came. thn hasif.thn nina balek. thn faizal came. thn iylia. thn harith thn azirwan. thn it got kecoh-ed. so i put on my earpiece, study study study. i wore Iylia's jacket despite having to ask the non-owner for permission. soooooo comfortable even though it was H-U-G-E.

thn met up with the parentals, went stationery shopping. came back to the lib, i was soooooooooooooooooo excited n shoved the pens under iylia's n harith's noses. azirwan went "eeeee best nyer beli pen!! yay yay!" in a sarcastic manner. kiwek. tros i diam siak. hahahahahahha

at 7 read a magazine which made harith n iylia go horny somehow even though it was about FISH. then went to Seoul Garden to jengok nina. hahahha kecoh siak. then i ran home. =)
the guys continued rounding at CWP despite harith's "eh aku blom blajar maths ahhhhhhhh"

did all i have to do, blog jap, blog-hop then continue mugging until 12. will sleeeeeep thn wakey balek at 4,continue mug until 5.45am thn mandi thn go school.

I LIKE SCHOOL.

e-ja has influenced me to like school, be focused in studying and also MR SENTHIL. he influenced me to understand "teachers are not out to get u. they are leading a stagnant life. but THOSE PEOPLE arrrreeeee out to make ur life as miserable as possible"

he is the best. and my partner in crime when it comes to bullying Fasha.

guess what?
IZ SAYS I CAN BE THE LEAD FOR STAND-UP COMEDY AND ROGUE AS MY SIDEKICK. WTF.

sha, i dun like iz afterall (despite him liking purple)


goodluck to me for my maths n physics tomorrow. my most pathetic subjects.


p.s: i love you,despite it all.

Withlove,

8:30 PM

love

Saturday, May 05, 2007

mornings are fun when you take my Secret Roncher teacher away from his form class and put him with some of his sec 5 students.

it came to the point he went "you crazy" to me.

we did our work, like really do like fcuk lah. skali there came a point when we really cant concentrate lah. so kan.. we were there, cracking jokes at his expense. he layankan plak tu. last2 he went,
"you all cannot concentrate already ah go home go home"

my response?

"cher you want to go home just say lah. don't use us as an excuse laaaa"

hahahahaahahhaahah the look he gave me ah...typical. then headed to banquet.

apparently,

"shab, iz cakap kau paling hyper among everyone."

thanks eh Iz. but i like u,alot. since u like purple. =) heeeee. Sha cn't understand us. no wonder we always attack Sha kan?? heheheheheheheh.

then headed to lib. copied some stuff for Sha thn did physics with ain n iffa jap. then had to head of. then haha. izan called while over there. thn my cuzin was screaming abt soccer.

i sindir-ed my cuzin ah,

"yes zan i noe. my family members dun tok, they scream!" padehal zan didnt say anything. hahahaha eggplant didnt teraser.

i miss nenek. seriously. she was sooooo cute just now with her cast. guess wad? my GRANDMOTHER got excited over fighting fish.

ouh ouh. we bought fighting fish just now. 3 of them. my grandmother excited like giler.

then head home. haha. now home, im tired. but i promised to watch THE EYE with zan.
eh fair per, everyone watch spiderman 3 (abang im talking abt u), we watch THE EYE ah. hmph.

ok goodnight. starting soon.

I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE 12TH AND 13TH.

Withlove,

7:02 AM

had better be

Thursday, May 03, 2007

i got home, complaining about the SS paper being tough.

guess whats the response i got.

"you never could make it. what made you think this time you could?"

i was shocked to silence. but it's ok. after some time, i get used to it.

~

here i am, cursing my ass upside down for over-sleeping for an hour while someone out there, is watching SPIDER MAN 3. like fcuk ok? i want to watch it but i can't.

tomorrow : maths class after school. science tuition at 7pm.

~

my nose has been bleeding like nobody's business. and mia made some calls. apparently it's due to a vein in my nose having been ruptured. it will heal but for the time being, bear with it.

thank god tomorrow is friday. with a tough paper to go thru. haha. american idol is on in front of me. TANKS TO HEERA LAH EH.
ppl cry when phil went out "he was a good man"

mcm dah mampos.
kiwek.

ok dah im thinking thoughts which shouldn't be thought.

guess wad?

i'm still doing my f&n coursework. and i thought it oculd be done within the hour.

~

CHAK! i miss u

Withlove,

10:30 PM

stability and security

stability and security.
what i want and what i need.

seems like i can't have either.

social studies paper was a breeze.. for failure.
it was already screwed from the start. need i say more?

according to Sha,
"history kiter blajar betol2 ah. bih sedih seh, SS f9, hist A1"

i love Humans, i really do. the only subjects i pay constant attention to, seriously. if i fall asleep in SS, i would wake up, panicking my ass off, only to realise lesson has ended and the next period would be SEL. so, while everyone is having the time of their lives in SEL, there i would be, sitting down and trying to get all the facts that Mrs Lim went thru for SS.

not always though if i have a good book or a tired body. =)

History, i never sleep in class before. unless my hottie Mr Wong is absent. then the day would suddenly be gloomier. =)
and the idea of sleep soooo inviting.

wtf am i doing?

everyone else is mugging like fcuk and here i am, blogging. i hate my guts so much you know sometimes.

~

2nd May 2007: unforgettable.

was sitting down, baru nak start blajar like really really. two words went into my head "Bilateral Relations" when Izan went,

"shab tadi yana call nina bih ............."

i took my bag and everything, ran to sha, dumped everything and ran straight off, searching for Yana. god.. it was definitely "Gerak Khas" - quoted frm Sha.

sent her home w nina. since im still sick and banned from physical activities for quite some time, my body rebel like fcuk. i msged Izan asking her to go thru my bag for my packet of pills. pain didnt go down despite gulping it down. gah.

tapi takper, member nyer pasal, tahan eh. hahahha.

fuck its 4 pm. i need to do my DM properly giler babi and then call heera and then go mug.

The Red Army went for the long March. out of 100,000 who took part, only 20,000 was successful. the rest died.



according to Zan, studying about the dead.
so true but... i have Mr Wong to bring me back to life. hahahahahahhahahahahahahaha.

pics for speech day going up.

Withlove,

4:02 PM

i can't wait!

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

kakak just came back from a shopping spree.

fcuk betol tak ajak aku!

she just got her gaji. and guess what? takder paper.

hah.

my mother got her progress package today. and guess wad? THE ONLY THING SHE SHOVED TO MY FACE IS MY MEDICINE AND MORE MEDICINE!

chet.

dad gave me 30 bucks. k bedek aku tukar coins. see? i have 30 dollars worth of coins. no wonder i feel like my wallet has been so heavy lately. results of not eating for a week =)
tomorrow is MYE. the start of MYE. i am.. restless..

mia just bought the materials for our this year raya's kebaya. it's gorgeous but there's a string attached. I CAN'T WEAR LAH NABEH.

nak tahu knaper?

psl it's o levels this year.

i feel so the saket hati and it makes me very very very very angry at MOE. gah.why cannt o lvls be NEXT YEAR?! fcuk lah. hmph.

my sister is not going to the graduation day because she feels wearing the graduation gown is... cheesy.. or something. my mother is upset with her but it is her decision. haiyah.

if i pass my o levels and get like... the scores that i want, I PROLLY GO AND FORCE MY FAMILY GET A FAMILY POTRAIT LAH SAK WITH THE CERTIFICATE!!

hahahahahhahahaha.

i've been mugging so hard, people tell me i look like a starving panda.

and guess wad.. i study for a reason. no not only so i can "blajar pandai2, kerja bagos2, dapat beli rumah besar kan happy?" but so that i can drown myself in work and not think about all the hurt. i dun need to think. i dun need to..think..

my mum found out my chem results. she went;

"you are actually capable of scoring eh? kalau tak asik fail jek. you've been passing kan?"
"yes ma."
"ur maths how? ur tcher salah mark kan?"
"no ma"
"so u actually passed ah?"
"ma. i am capable of thought and feelings and the feeling of hate and and and and everything. i am capable of proving people wrong, especially u. i am also capable of passing my tests."

"u bual bnyk. talk no action for what? if u learn how to do and then talk, maybe u'd be smart like adik"

"ma. i have alsways wondered why adik didnt exist in ur age and time. now i noe why. you would prolly want to be a lesbian and marry adik. u're so in love with her. i wonder at times tau, whether i am even ur daughter atau tak"


and i left the room. i couldn't bear it for another second. it's enough that the notion of me being STUPID and an inbecile shoved into my face, but i have to live with the idea that i can never succeed. the thing that means the most to me is prolly a mistake my parents made,since im happy sngt. fcuk lah.

kakak, i nak yakult. im still sick kak.
adik, i sumtimes wish u would just die u noe? especially when u go on n on about how u never ever failed during ur sec 3 n 4 life. but then when i think abt it, i love u.

i love my family afterall.
my Mia will always be my Mia, no matter what she says or think.



p.s: f&n coursework sucks and i have to redo every single thing. fcuk lah nabeh.

Labels: family.

Withlove,

9:37 PM

::DeceitfulTruths::
*NAI,
i am
loves,
my one and only
sweet kisses!
Multiplicity ~~~~~~~~~~~~

::Reality::

~~~~~~~~~~~~

links. A'an Ais Aizz Amy Apen Aunty Nora Azah Azza Becky F Carol Chiqa Dan Diyanah Dina Evg Eddy Eggplant Faiz Fasha Habibah Hakim Harith Hazmi Heera* Iylia Izan Jel Khalidah Khalilah Kirah Kirin Lena Lizzie Mally Maria Hani MiaoMiao Nabil Nina Nures Nurul Radzee Rahmat Rogue Shaifuddin EVG S.A Seha Steph Syafiqah
~~~~~~~~~~~~

::My Wishful Wantings::
~memory card for hp (256mb or 512mb) ~my sister's keeper by Jodi Picoult ~BAGs! ~wallet ~my happy ending ~to never know the feeling of loneliness ~to ace ~Ramly ~Cadbury Dairy Chocolate Thanks! ~~~~~~~~~~~~

::My Deceits::
Dec 2006
Jan 2007
Feb 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
~~~~~~~~~~~~

::Thanks To::
Mal
Photos,Deviantart